Even when we are not legally married, after being together for 10 years, we do considered ourselves a life-steady-till-90-years-together couple. We never fulfill the legal paperwork cos we are not the kind of people who like big celebrations or being the center of attention, we prefer a low profile for those. But if needed in the future, there would be no problem at all as the Same Sex Marriage is totally legal in Germany.
As this is the first time we are initiating a surrogation process, there is no little one with us so far, and we want to change that as soon as possible! We started the process around 10 months ago, once we decided we have reached a maturity point in our professional life that ensures we can provide with safety all the financials a process like this requires and ensure the baby will have everything needed. First we look around us, to understand what was available in Europe. As explained in our core values, we do not believe in situations where the legal framework is not clear and thereby Canada is our only option.
We want to initiate a family based on respect, love, tolerance and transparency. What is really important for us in the process is to find a person on which we can trust, knowing she will take care of herself and would be open to talk to us in every situation. A person who is healthy but obviously we are not expecting a marathon athlete. A person open to discuss points and find common solutions without holding things, understanding that clear and transparent communication is the only way to achieve fulfilling relationships.
The surrogate is doing the biggest favour anybody would ever do for us. It is an act of incredible generosity and just giving the idea of considering it is saying a lot about that person.
We do understand we will be not longer in charge of the process, and everything coming is a present. But as it was stated in the movie “, it is said that:
“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers”A Streetcar Named Desire
We do need to get to know the person for being capable of trusting each other. I understand that may create emotional turmoils, however it is fundamental to establish the communication. Once that is done, and if both parties are in the same page, trust will come naturally and everything will move along smoothly.
Canada is a bit far away for us, but if possible at least one of us would love to fly there for the first try of inception. It would be amazing to get to know each in person at the start of the process.
After we get to know each other, we would love to know how are you feeling and how everything is working on your side, as well as understanding what we could do to help. With today’s technologies, Skype or Whatsapp, it would be pretty easy and the pace would be determine by the moment we are all together undergoing.
We have already discussed with the doctors at the Create clinic, and we will go for genetic testing of the embryos after those have occurred. We want to ensure the process is the easiest for all parties and the healthiest for you as well.
Whatever situation that would risk the health of the surrogate will be ending the pregnancy, that is clear. Also, situations on which the baby is not going to have a healthy life shall lead to similar situation, but only if the problem is severe. At the end of the day, we believe that decision is extremely hard and shall be taken with all parties together, but the surrogate will lead it for sure.
For us, the pregnancy would be just the biggest joy. Either if it is one, two, boy or girl, everything is absolutely welcome.
We would love to share the pregnancy journey with our surrogate and as mentioned above, the new techniques of model world allow that to happen. Respect to personal situations, days and feelings are clear and when not desire, there is no expectation on daily status or anything similar. Again, what feels comfortable and smooth for both parties is the key.
Once the moment arrives, we would absolutely love to be there with you as the baby is born. The child is a present to us, but the moment of giving birth is entirely yours. Thereby, if the surrogate needs her husband or loved one to be there, we would know how to step back, even if we are nervous as hell. The surrogate is the captain of this journey, and we just follow the orders!
Once the baby is born, we would be really busy getting to know each other and trying to get some sleep, but the surrogate would be kept in the inner circle and informed about every single burp, as far as she is interested on it. She would have done the biggest thing ever for us, and we will proudly show every single step, as far as that is not too much for her!
As mentioned at the start, the whole journey for us is based on people that understand what are they doing and want to do it willingly and freely. Upon that, we will explain the baby the whole story without lies or hiding facts, cos there is no shame on the process. We are already starting to do, with our first trip to Canada in January 2019, an album, where we would do kind of a fairy tale so the baby can get an explanation she or he can understand.
For the first month of the baby we will stay in Canada, and for doing so we will use some holidays. In Germany we have 30 working days of holidays per year, so that is amazing and would be use. Our insurances are not fully covering the baby there, so we are already checking on options to ensure everything is fine there.
After we are back, we have 14 months of paid time to take on parental leave. How exactly we would split that among us is not clear, but for sure the baby will stay home minimum till the 13 month is reached.
We do not know how we will evolve as a family, cos the future could be wanted but never set in stone. We do want our baby to feel love and respected, and have space to grown as a happy individual being. We believe in 3 basic principles for upbringing:
- Unconditional love
- Permanent attention
- Clear boundaries & dialog.
The life we have had so far has been fantastic, full of joy but also full of constructive challenges we have climbed one by one. It is our wish to return back, to give the chance for another human being of feeling so blessed and loved as we were, and enjoy a world full of opportunities.
Thanks a lot for reading so far, and if you consider we would be worthy of your help, please do not hesitate to contact us further, we are really looking forward to getting to know you!